THE MAGIC OF HOLIDAY TRADITIONS & RITUALS

There's a strong connection between family traditions and rituals and the ability of a family to survive and thrive in today's world.

The family has changed dramatically over the last century. Family members are spread across the country. Young and old have their own separate, hectic schedules. Family time becomes a casualty to tired parents, children's sports practices or lessons, and the lure of television. We're also caught between a pop culture ideal of individual happiness and fulfillment, and the dream of love and connection sold in commercials. We still love each other and we have no less desire for meaning and connection. But we drift apart and feel empty.

We don't know how to deal with the changed family. We generate the highest expectations of family life of any generation in human history, but provide the least guidance and support for making it happen. There are few rules. And so we struggle along, each trying to figure it out in a way that will make sense for ourselves and our circumstances. Building a family, just like building a home, a career, or world peace, needs a plan and conscious, continuous effort. It also requires a foundation on which to build and maintain real relationships, even when they get messy and difficult.

One way to establish that foundation, to find order amid the chaos, is through tradition and ritual. This doesn't mean "going back to the good old days" (there really weren't any), but it does mean connecting to each other and our communities in a habitual pattern that we can count on and that slows us down every once in a while. Traditions and rituals are a powerful way to balance the whirlwind of our lives. We are creatures of habit. And when we ingrain a family tradition, it becomes a habit that anchors us. Traditions and rituals can pull us back to what's important – a story at bedtime, a weekend meal, a holiday gathering. Our best memories – and sometimes our worst – tend to be tied to family traditions and rituals. It's not only how we communicate in a family, but how we enact our connections that matters. Research is slowly beginning to uncover tradition and ritual as a very important factor in strong, close families.

Read the rest of this article Here at the National Legacy Project website, then take a look at 12 Ideas for bringing the generations of your family closer together.

1. Start in the Kitchen: Research shows the kitchen - not the living room or dining room - is the most relaxed place to make cozy memories. We smell, we taste, we talk, we learn things in the kitchen. Something as simple as baking cookies (even if you use a mix!) can create a loving memory.


2. Have Your Own Family Book Club: Choose a new book every month. If you're a grandparent who lives far away from your grandchildren, mail a book a month - even send along an audiotape of yourself reading the story! This gives you something to share, and to talk about in person or over the phone.

3. Use the Power of Story: Read aloud as a family- even with teenagers! It's a cozy activity all ages can enjoy that builds bonds - and can start important conversations. When you finish a story, share the memories or stories from your own life that it evokes. This helps children get to know you and themselves. Bring your stories alive by using old mementos (your mother's earrings, your grandfather's watch, an old train ticket).

4. Make It Picture Perfect: Have a family scrapbook party. Children, parents, and grandparents can choose their favorite photos and you can decorate themed pages. It's a great way to organize those scattered photo packets, recall family memories, and create a treasured keepsake. If you live far apart, photocopy old family photos, write a few lines at the bottom about what's going on, and every once in a while mail a photocopy as a reminder of family history.

5. Involve All Ages in a Collection: Whether it's rocks, coins, or baseball cards, a shared family interest gives generations something to talk about and enjoy together.

6. Give a Keepsake: When parents and grandparents give a keepsake, explain or write down the story behind it. Where did it come from? Why is it important?

7. Remember Two Small Words: parents should encourage a simple "thank you" note whenever children get a gift from a grandparent. This teaches kids an important social skill, and makes grandparents feel appreciated.

8. Bestow Your Furniture: Assign a special piece of furniture to each child or grandchild. It's like giving twice - now and in the future- and makes children feel important.

9. Encourage Family Rituals: The more complicated the world gets, the more simple things matter. From waving good-bye from the same window every morning to going to the local pizza place every Friday night, these are the moments that make memories.

10. Share Your "Best Memory": Even in a strained relationship, one of the most powerful gifts you can give is a short note describing your best memory of someone. They're often surprised at what it is!

11. Interview an Elder: When children interview an elder, they learn an important communication skill and come to understand their past. Older people often value the chance to talk about their lives.

12. Hug Someone You Love: Research shows that the older people get, the fewer hugs we give them. But "big, warm smiles and warm snuggly hugs" aren't just for kids. We all need them! Remember to give your child or grandchild, and your parent or grandparent, that extra hug.

The national Legacy Project is a community service initiative that offers grandparents and parents lots of free information, ideas, activities, and contests to bring the generations in your family closer together. These 12 tips to get you started are from Legacy Project Chair Susan V. Bosak. For more great ideas, visit the Legacy Project website at www.legacyproject.org.

A Christmas Ornament Tradition

Ideas for starting a Christmas ornament tradition in your family - by Rachel Paxton.



When my husband and I got married, my mother-in-law introduced me to one of her favorite Christmas traditions. She has five children, and for years she has been collecting ornaments for each of her children so that they can take their collection of ornaments with them when they have their own families.

I decided to start this tradition in our own family. Every year my daughter picks out a new ornament for her own collection. It's fun to look through all of the old ornaments and see how her collection has grown. The variety of ornaments shows how her tastes and interests have changed throughout the years.

You would think only girls would be interested in collecting Christmas ornaments. Actually, my husband has a lot of Christmas ornaments he really enjoys. He has several ornaments representing his favorite college and NFL football teams. He also treasures many of the keepsake ornaments his mother has made for him throughout the years.

There are a variety of ornaments you and your children can choose from to collect. If you have the time and desire to make them, you can purchase many types of ornament kits at craft stores. You can find beaded ornaments, ornaments made from felt, ornaments made from plastic canvas, and many others. This year I found a Nemo felt ornament kit at Walmart. My boys love Nemo and I thought they would be fun to make. They are turning out beautifully, but are taking much longer to make than I expected. I'll maybe have them done by next year! You might choose to make ornaments with your children. Clay ornaments are easy and fun to make.

If you don't want to make ornaments, buying them can be fun too. This year I purchased my boys' ornaments at a Christmas craft show. They had clay ornaments made to look like Thomas the Tank Engine that were absolutely adorable. They personalized the ornaments with their names and the year for free. Christmas bazaars are a great place to look for unique ornaments. Look for ornaments while you are travelling. Many gift shops have ornaments you can purchase to remind you of your favorite vacation spots. Ebay is also a good place to find ornaments. Last year I purchased an ornament on Ebay that had my husband's favorite football team on it. I'd never seen another one like it, and he loved it.

As you can see, collecting Christmas ornaments can be fun for the whole family. Every year your kids will look forward to picking out their new ornament to put on the tree. Make sure to write their names and the year on the back or bottom of the ornament with a permanent marker so you can keep track of everyone's ornaments!

Visit Crafty-Moms.com to find out how to decoupage a beautiful box to store your keepsake ornaments in.

Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom who is the author of What's for Dinner?, an e-cookbook containing more than 250 quick easy dinner ideas. For more recipes, gardening, organizing tips, home decorating, holiday hints, and more, visit Creative Homemaking at http://www.creativehomemaking.com.

A Special Saturday Edition, A Special Make-It-From-Scratch Carnival Entry And A Very Special Guest Blogger - Grandma Strange's Folk Art Rag Bag

Thank You To Grace Martin at WOW, that had to hurt for sharing her blog, her talent and her very special knit "rags"!

Please be sure to view all of the entries in the Make-It-From-Scratch blog carnival -
Click Here



from Grace:

Grandma Strange's Folk Art Rag Bag

My Grandma Strange was old fashioned & a loving Grandma. She always wore a braid in the back of her hair & always wore an apron. Grandma knitted dish cloths/cleaning rags from left over yarn before paper towels were manufactured or purchasing rags became popular.

Grandma taught me to knit and while we knitted the afternoons away, we would talk. She would show me that every rag we made was different, not perfect, just like people. I learned many life lessons during my knitting visits with Grandma Strange.



I remember my visits like they were yesterday. Grandma was quite plump & would always greet me with warm hug. It was like being engulfed by a billowy pillow.

Now, as an adult, I would like one visit with Grandma Strange, but it is not possible. So, I knit rags in loving memory of my Grandma Strange. No matter how bad life is or what is going on, I can always knit & picture Grandma here to talk things over with. There were times she only had to look at me & I knew what she was saying.



Remember, these rags are just like Grandma Strange's Rag Bag. None of the rags are perfect or the same as the one before or after. I kept the bright, funny colors too. We had to use the left over yarn. There was never yarn to make one rag the same color.



If you would like to purchase a rag or two, please Visit Grace By Clicking Here for all the details.

My Parents Have Lives???

It comes as a surprise to young children that the people they call "Mommy" or "Daddy" or "Grammy" also have names like "Rachel" or "Ken" or "Karen." It is incomprehensible to older children that these same people may (gasp!) live a life that encompasses more than being parents or grandparents. Try these conversation sparking activities at your family holiday - if you dare!

* Have the kids write the adult's life story, as they understand it. Then have them check their story for accuracy by reading it aloud to the person they wrote about.

* Let the kids design a questionnaire for their parents and other family members to discover more about them.

* Older children might be interested in what high school life was like for their parents and grandparents. (Or they might not. Ask them to please be polite and feign an interest for the sake of harmony.)

What decade was it when the adults were in high school? What was going on in the world then? What songs and fashions were popular? How about games and other pastimes?

I recently ran across a JC Penney catalog from 1972, the year I graduated from high school. Doing an online search will uncover many other catalogs and magazines from different time periods. Lots of fun - and a little embarassing. (what Were we thinking? hip hugging bell bottoms???)

* Go through old family photo albums to find pictures from when everyone was young.
Before looking at the pictures, ask the kids to make sketches or write brief descriptions of what they think their parents and grandparents looked like. Then compare the pictures. Do they match?

* Ask your children if they would like to have children some day. What do they think their children will look like? Ask them to draw or write a description of their future children then tuck the pictures away for posterity.

My Grandmother's Name Is Karen

Names are an interesting topic for children - both their own names and the idea that the adults they know by titles - Mommy, Daddy, Grammy, Grandpa, even Great Grampy!- all have their own names.
Try using these questions as a conversation starter at your Holiday meal:

What does my name mean?

What is the story of how my name was chosen?

Does anyone else in our whole family (from the past or present) have my name?

What other interesting names are there in our family?

Ask the children what they might name their own children someday. Why do they think that might be a good name?

Does anyone in the family wish that they had a different name? What is it? Why is it a better name?

It's fun to learn the meaning of everyone's first name.
Here's a link to a database of over 30,000 names. Just enter your name in the search box to find out what it means!

Older children will want to take the idea a bit further (we hope. Or they're rolling their eyes in boredom by now and wishing they could be excused from the table to do anything else other than this...)

Older children will also be interested in the meaning and possible origin of their last name.

About.com maintains a Last Name Meanings and Origins Glossary for your last name. The glossary includes last name meanings and origins, plus research links, common last name spelling variations, and surname search tips for last names of English, Irish, German, French, Italian, Spanish, and Jewish origin, including the 100 most popular U.S. surnames.

Can't find your last name in the Last Name Meanings Glossary? Submit your surname to Ask a Genealogist and the editor will try to research its meaning and add it to the Last Name Meanings Glossary. Last name site submissions are also welcome for sites primarily devoted to one of the included surnames.

And finally, dress up your Thanksgiving table. Print, clip, fold and add a name to these Thanksgiving placecards from Kid's Turn Central.

Mr. Rogers Talks About Families

Families Come in Different Shapes and Sizes

Families come in all different shapes and sizes. Even people who are not related by blood at all can make up a family because they love and care for each other. And that's what is really important about families. When people care for one another, they have a sense of belonging - of being related to each other, even if they are not blood relatives.

There are many ways to become a member of a family. Being born into a family is one way. Marrying into a family, or being adopted are other ways to become part of a family. When children are adopted, they sometimes need reassurance that adoptive families and stepfamilies are like other families and that their moms and dads care for them, the same way other parents care for their children.
-- Fred Rogers

Family Life and a Focus On Adoption
Day by day, in the secure "nest" of family life, children learn the most essential thing of all -- how to live with other people. Daily life requires some structure and routine so that everyone in the family knows what to expect and can move through the day with some comfort and predictability.

That means, of course, that children can't do only what they want to do. There are rules and limits about such things as when to eat, what to eat, and when to sleep. As much as children may "test" the rules, they need -- and want -- adults to be in charge.

As children deal with the ups and downs of everyday life with parents, brothers or sisters, and friends, they're learning about compromise, responsibility, love, anger, generosity, compassion, and cooperation. Little by little they develop the ability to wait, to share, to try, to cope with disappointment, to understand and to express feelings. Day by day, they're seeing how they are like other people and how they are different. If they're fortunate, little by little they're coming to realize that they are unique, and that everyone else in this world is unique, too.

For Adoptive Families

Being adopted into a caring family can be a very special "love story." But adoption can be difficult to talk about, since it involves one of a child's deepest needs: the sense of security in belonging to a family that will always take care of him or her.

Talking about Adoption

Each child has unique ways of dealing with being adopted, and those ways can change as children grow. Some children talk a lot about being adopted, and they ask a lot of questions. Other children may be quiet about it.

Some people tell "the story of when you were adopted" as they're rocking their infants or when they're snuggling with their toddlers. Of course, infants and toddlers don't understand much about what's being said; nevertheless they're hearing about their history in a natural way.

Some parents worry that if they don't talk about adoption with their adopted child early on, someone else may reveal it to their child and that could raise even more concerns for him or her. In fact, a child could feel betrayed and wonder if adoption might be something shameful or something to hide if he or she hears such an important thing from someone other than family.

"It's Not Your Fault..."

As children grow, they try to make their own sense of why they were adopted. During the preschool years, as they work on controlling their own "bad" behavior, adopted children sometimes wonder if their birthparents didn't keep them because they were "bad" or because they cried a lot.

Those children need a lot of assurance from adults that what they're thinking just isn't true. It's better to say, "Your birthmother and birthfather just weren't able to take care of any baby at all" rather than saying, "Your birthmother and birthfather couldn't take care of you." In other words, there was nothing wrong with your child in particular; rather it was the birthparents' inability to provide care that prompted the adoption. If children are left to their own fantasies and think they were abandoned because they were bad, their next unspoken question to their adoptive parents might be, "How bad do I have to be before you give me away, too?"

Children need to hear that there were probably many reasons why their birthparents couldn't take care of a child, but that those reasons all have to do with the grownups. You may want to ask your child why he or she thinks some birthparents can't care for a baby, so you can correct any misconceptions and maybe find out more about what your child really wants to know.

Adoption Is For Always

There are wonderful things about being adopted into a loving family; nevertheless, some children feel that adoption also means loss -- loss of relationships with people they didn't even know, people who were a significant part of their history. Some children have said to their adoptive mother, "I'm sad that I didn't grow in your tummy." Adoptive mothers can let them know that they're sad about that, too, (if in fact they are) but that they're also very glad that "you're growing in our family!"

Many families nowadays avoid saying "You were chosen" because that could imply that those adoptive children are expected to live up to certain expectations if they are to remain chosen. Parents may think they're helping their child feel secure by believing they are "chosen," but oddly enough, that can have just the opposite effect. Adopted children need to hear and to know that adoption is not conditional -- adoption is for always. They need to hear, "You are special, not because you're adopted, but just because you're you. No matter what, you will always be part of our family. Adoption is for keeps."

However Your Family has Grown

As a parent, day in and day out, you're a nurturer, comforter, problem-solver, protector, limit-setter, and much more. In the safety of the family, you're helping your child learn how to get along with others, how to deal with rules and limits, how to cooperate, compromise, and negotiate -- all qualities that are essential for whatever relationships may be in your child's future.

For more information on adoption by Fred Rogers, visit the Family Communications web site.

Make A Family Photo Album To "Read" At Story Time

Create a family photo collage by gluing the pictures on a piece of heavy paper. Talk to the children about the people in the pictures and how they are all relatives and part of your family. You could store the pages in a photo album or three-ring binder. Each child in your family might like to make his or her own collage.

When you go on a trip to see relatives (at Thanksgiving for example), encourage your child to draw about the visit. Add your own comments on a separate page and put these in a notebook to help your child remember the family members they visited.

Happy Birthday, Maya's Daddy!

Some may own castles on the banks of the Rhine,
Or dine with an orchestra each evening at nine,
But richer than I, they will never be,
For I had a daddy who spent time with me



Happy Birthday To A Super Dad!

Grandmother's Grandmother

My mother went to her cedar chest and took out a tiny, carefully folded sweater.
Knit by her mother, it was knit for me, before I was born. My mother handed it to me.
I sat with it in my hands for a while tonight, thinking of generations of women, generations of family born from these women.
I will frame this baby's sweater and her precious little cap and keep them where I will see them often.
I will tell my granddaughter of Grammy's grandmother, great Grammy's mother, great-great Grandmother and the sweater that she made.

because "It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which hold people together through the years."